Meet Tara: Adjunct faculty, English, mom of two children, ages 5 and 7
“No one is giving out trophies for the kids with the least amount of screen time, and if that extra hour means you get a shower and a bit of quiet, it’s absolutely necessary. ”
Tara Stillions Whitehead: Adjunct faculty, English
- What do you do at HACC?
I teach three sections of ENGL 101 and one section of ENGL 102.
- How old are your children?
My daughter Gillian is 7 and my son James is 5.
- How are you effectively juggling your professional duties and your personal duties of having your children at home while you work?
Balance is an ever-evolving thing! You have to be flexible. You have to be willing to drop things and change things. And we are only in the beginning, so the learning curve needs great respect.- In terms of instructional scheduling, we keep a Zoom and Distance Learning board. We place Post-its on an 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday through Friday grid for each Zoom class: mine, my husband’s (he teaches high school) and my children. In another room, we put up other boards for the kids’ daily assignments from their teachers. We check the items off when they complete them. Recess has the biggest square on the board. Daily recess is for everyone, not just the kids. And in addition to family recess, my husband and I devote one hour each to just going on a walk alone. Four people in a small space can feel suffocative, and so can constant connection to teaching and grading and parenting. That hour is magical. It is non-negotiable.
- There are tears. A lot. And not just the kids. But we all try to sit and listen to each other, to set aside expectations and ideas of perfection. It is so important for us to laugh, and I mean all of us.
- I am also a working writer with editorial deadlines, including one for my forthcoming book. I cannot deprive the writer, and with a schedule that seems monstrous and impossible, I make time. I wake up at 4 a.m. and enjoy a cup of coffee, go for a run, read and write. That way, I feel full before I have to fill the plates of others. This is not a schedule everyone can do, and it is a schedule that means (maybe) missing the next season of yet another Netflix show everyone is talking about, but it is part of how I maintain my own needs.
- What tips (things to do and things to not do) would you offer to other parents who are struggling with this?
Breathe. Play a quick meditation for the kids, force them outside. Also, let them play on their iPads. Throw away whatever guilt you're harboring over that extra hour or two of them playing that same YouTube video. No one is giving out trophies for the kids with the least amount of screen time, and if that extra hour means you get a shower and a bit of quiet, it's absolutely necessary.
- Is there anything else you would like to share that we did not ask?
It’s important to reach out and connect, but it's also important to disconnect. I have a hard time doing this. But when I do, I am able to live in the present, be present with my kiddos and my spouse, and really experience moments of serenity. I also think it’s important to allow yourself to feel the grief of not knowing, to allow the kids that space as well.
